And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
