i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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