I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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