i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
