return my video game
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
