Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
