I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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