So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
