am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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