I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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