Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
