Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
