its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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