You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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