Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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