i'm signing you up for texting rehab
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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