oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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