I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Your cock deserves a montage
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
