When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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