Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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