i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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