the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
