It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
