Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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