Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
