im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
