This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
