Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
