lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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