i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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