no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
