bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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