i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
