we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
