You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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