YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
