Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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