It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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