no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize