I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
birth control should be required to get into college
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!