Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.