Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.

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  (201): i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so. http://tfl.nu/3zja
  Replies (58) Good night (3814) Bad night (1221)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry

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  (484): Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry http://tfl.nu/lyzu
  Replies (127) Good night (5181) Bad night (1113)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

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  (816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward. http://tfl.nu/i2tt
  Replies (40) Good night (1518) Bad night (9874)
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  (408): View more from California

  Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?

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  (408): Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut? http://tfl.nu/riq0
  Replies (39) Good night (1278) Bad night (4459)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Are you still at the party or did I leave?

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  (404): Are you still at the party or did I leave? http://tfl.nu/pph4
  Replies (18) Good night (6946) Bad night (990)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

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  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1523) Bad night (2708)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.

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  (709): The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave. http://tfl.nu/fq86
  Replies (2) Good night (1134) Bad night (767)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

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  (641): Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings. http://tfl.nu/iq9m
  Replies (4) Good night (1580) Bad night (688)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday

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  (262): The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday http://tfl.nu/kdkl
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (498)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Faces of meth called, they want their look back.

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  (703): Faces of meth called, they want their look back. http://tfl.nu/3q15
  Replies (7) Good night (705) Bad night (1363)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.

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  (678): Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool. http://tfl.nu/6mtz
  Replies (10) Good night (1552) Bad night (528)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.

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  (717): I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples. http://tfl.nu/i9sk
  Replies (7) Good night (687) Bad night (265)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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  (250): Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so.... http://tfl.nu/u1xp
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (241)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.

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  (360): After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today. http://tfl.nu/8j26
  Replies (1) Good night (856) Bad night (250)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION

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  (860): THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION http://tfl.nu/ap2c
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (241)

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