I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call