I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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