hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.