question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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