I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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