I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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