I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
