My brain says no but my pants say off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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