nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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