there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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