I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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