OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
