I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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