I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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