Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need help removing her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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