Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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