her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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