You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
