It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
