My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
