those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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