I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
