If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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